Moving On

I think my blog hiatus is finally over. Toward the end of January I had a post going in my mind. It was called 'Catching Up and Moving On' and was going to fill you in on all I'd been up to and tell you why I am now moving on with my life. But then all of the sudden February was over and the catching up part became so overwhelming that I just kept putting it off. So now we're here in March and I've decided to let go of the catching up and simply move on.

Now the why...

I'm in a state of moving on because that church in Wisconsin did not choose me to be their associate pastor. They actually didn't choose anyone yet, and much like myself, have returned to the drawing board. Of the three candidates who visited them in January, apparently only one was up to par and she took a call somewhere else. I got all of this information a couple days ago from their newsletter, which I read on their website mostly because I wanted to know who was worthy only to find the answer is no one yet. And though it is most un-Christian-like to admit, the whole situation has filled me with Schadenfruede (for those unfamiliar with Avenue Q, schadenfruede is German for taking pleasure at the misfortune of others) and made the moving on a little easier.

Hearing I did not get this position, via an email I just happened to find in my junk folder by-the-by, was the most awful, humiliating, terrible pain. I gave them so much of myself, my time, and my hope. It has, however, forced me to move on and continue my search for a call. I've expanded the search to include positions I did not consider before and grown content with my state of being. I cannot say the same for people around me who are constantly bringing up the subject of me and churches, which frankly is wearing on my nerves. I stress about it enough without anyone else pointing out that the search goes on. A woman at church this past Sunday asked if there was news on the job front and after I said no, she asked if I was sick of people asking me. YES! By God, yes! Leave it alone! Let me be the one to raise the subject! Stop it!

Through it all some things said/heard in my past have kept me going...

• My first year of seminary the moderator of the PC(USA) came to visit Columbia and met with us 1st year's at the president's house. During the evening chat he said, "Don't count on the church to keep you employed." At the time I thought, WHAT?!?!, why do you think I am here?!?! There better be a job waiting for me when I graduate. But now I get it. I totally understand what he meant. And I give thanks for employment anywhere.
• Watching Ellen one day this fall, her guest Taylor Swift said, "Someday when I am with the right guy I won't even remember that guy who broke up with me over the phone in 25 seconds." I've changed this around to encourage myself...Someday when I am serving the church God has called me to, I won't even remember that church that broke up with me in an email.
• And lastly, one of my best professors said to me once, "Sometimes it's the good ones who have to wait." I was expressing my hope to have a call by graduation and he responded with the most gracious and compassionate expression of hope I've heard in a long time.

So there you have it. I'm moving on. Hopefully that moving on will include more regular posting on the blog. Stay tuned.