Bittersweet Days

The holidays can be a tricky time of year. Television commercials and songs on the radio would have us believe this is the most wonderful time of the year. That joy and laughter are all around. And in many ways, they are right. But in ways I fear we miss, and perhaps would rather not admit, this is more like the most horrible time of the year.

For myself, I have realized that the Thanksgiving holiday has a bittersweet taste to it. I love the day. The gathering of family and friends, the parade (Macy's, of course), the football, the lazy naps, the turkey and the mashed potatoes. Very sweet. But Thanksgiving has some bitterness for my family as well. It has often been the season of bad news, death, and funerals. I found myself this year almost holding my breath, waiting for the other shoe to drop about a week before Thanksgiving arrived. It was probably about the time, in 1988, that my Mom received a phone call saying she better come now. Granpy died a few days later. And we all came together for the funeral, and for the holiday. Bittersweet. So sweet to see my extended family and celebrate a holiday and the life of a loved one, yet bitter to see him go.

My parents came to visit for Thanksgiving this year and so the bitter faded away. As we watched the parade though, with giant balloons and marching bands making their way through the streets of New York, in those sweet sights and sounds, an Amber Alert came across the screen. Two young children missing and feared to be in grave danger. Another bitter swallow in a moment meant to be sweet.

This all came back to the forefront of my mind as I worked on my Christmas cards last night. I began addressing envelopes and I came to the massive list of Smiths, my extended family. I worked my way down the list, enjoying a break from the books, an episode of the West Wing playing on my computer, and there it was. Her name. Lucy Smith. Aunt Lucy went home to God over a year ago, but her name is still there in my address book, staring back at me with a bittersweet tone. How do I literally erase a name from life?

So I am mindful of those for whom this is not the most wonderful time of the year. For me, the bittersweet is mostly past because for me it revolves more around Thanksgiving. But for David, Chelsea, Patrick & Deb, Chuck & Dana, Rex, Kathryn, and countless others much more bitter lies ahead as Christmas draws near. I hope we can be true to the concept of community and embrace those feeling the bitter with all the sweet we can muster. Not denying the bitter, but clinging to the sweet.